It
by SangNoire
Summary: Ryou is reflecting about some things happening in his life. Rated M because of cruel violence and some... yaoi? Only to be sure One-Shot.


**Hey guys, it's me again ^^**

**I've decided to write something out of Ryou's POV again, something that was inspired by a book I've finished just today. I hope you'll like it ^^ It was very difficult to choose the words this time... it was terrible to write some sentences, because they simply didn't want to fit xD It's nevertheless hard to write a story in English, even if I translated much of my German ones ^^**

**But I hope I did a good job ^^**

**I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

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I woke up early today... I couldn't remember the day before... what did I do? Or the better choice of words: what did **it** do?

Cold metal ontop of my chest was drinking the sleepy warmth out of my body. I should get up.. it wasn't all too good if my thoughts entangled themselfes around... it.

My body was stretching and in this process trembling a little bit. I heard soft clinging.

As I got up and went to the bathroom, I did it slowly, carefully, hoping I didn't push a button to enrage it in my manner of walking, behaving or anything else.

The eyes never left me as I unbuttoned my pyjama and got out of my trousers, and into the shower.

I was used to it, by now. It seemed, that there had been no time in my life without it, it had been there since I could remember, hadn't it?

No... I remembered as the warm water hit my face and relaxed my body, no... there had been a time when I had been free. Free to decide what to eat, how to talk, what to think, when to wake up, when to go sleep, how to go out, simply decide to leave the house.

There had been a time when I remembered everything I had done, a time where I didn't live to serve the v- … it.

I started to spread the good smelling shampoo all over my hair, enjoying the feeling of washing all the wounds, all the dirt away... to be clean some day...

I thought I heard a low chuckling, but I ignored the feeling like I did everytime and continued the ritual of daily life.

We both knew I needed that, some kind of normal life, every day rituals or simply feeling the wind on my skin, to live. It let me sometimes, when it was in a good mood, or if I didn't do something wrong. It was a kind of reward for behaving 'good'. Even if it wasn't clear what this 'good' meant. There wasn't a day when I wasn't failing something. And there was a punishment every time.

I shut the water down and escaped the tight glassy prison. I had been feeling well only moments ago. It had been to tight in the end... to tight to stand the eyes watching me, feeling it's cold, calculating breath sliding down my slender neck...

I wrapped a soft, protecting towel around my slightly trembling body and felt its uncorporal face smirk in dark amusement. It loved to scare me and to show me what it meant to be alone, helpless and to be at its mercy.

I mentioned the punishment before... well... that was some kind of cruel game, that we both played every day. I lost nearly everytime. I did not react to the demand that instant? I needed some punishment to remind who is the one in control. I did something stupid? I needed someone to show me what happened to stupid people. I spoke up? That was the worst thing I could do... the punishment would be torturing to no end. There was only little I was able to stand, but I knew if I would ever loose games about that two things... I was sure I had to kill myself.

I left the bath and got into the kitchen, still wearing only the towel, which left my feet bare and exposed to the cold. I put some bread into the toaster and waited for it to leave the machine again with a loud 'click'.

_**'Kneel down.'**_

_I started and looked at the mirror, reflecting my whole body, white in the moonlight, only hidden by a thin t-shirt. _

„_I'll never do that.", I answered calmly._

_A roar of rage and pain exploding inside of my head as if someone had hit me with a sledgehammer._

_**'Kneel down, I said! I want to see it! Look at the mirror and kneel down!'**_

„_Never...never...never..." I told myself, as if it was a mantra that would rescue me..._

_'**Kneel down! Or I'll kill you!'**_

_My head hurt so much, that I wondered when my brain would explode, pouring a disgusting, organic mass all over the beautiful, white carpet, staining it in the colors of death._

„_Then I'll prefer to die!", I coughed. My stomache felt sick of pain, I had a feeling of strong nausea._

It dropped the demand soon, but it started to develop a sickening game between it and me.

I refused to call it 'master' to. It didn't deserve to have a name of its own and surely not a name, which would widen its power over me.

A soft 'click' ended my thoughts and I took the toast out of the machine, droping it onto a plate and placing a thin film marmelade on top of it.

As I took the first bite I felt how hungry I had really been. I chewed the first bite a long time, enjoying the sweet and slightly sour taste of strawberries. I felt as if I had never tasted something so good and even if I was hungry I took every bite enjoyingly, never gobbling it. I didn't knew when at least I would be allowed to take the next bite of another meal, did I?

_It had been long time since I got something to eat. It demanded some rice, so I currently was cooking some. I knew it didn't like rice, maybe it even hated it. As I was taking the bag out of the hot, bubbling liquid, I spread a little water over the wooden worktop._

_'**How dare you?'**, it asked bewildered._

_I started and closed my eyes afraid of what would be happening._

_**'You don't deserve to eat something today! You'll get nothing!'**_

_I was standing there only one short moment, feeling an animal drive roaring trough my body. _

_Then, with a swift movement I opened one of the bags full of the needed food and felt how my fingers were burnt. It wasn't important now, it only mattered, that I got something to eat, something to stuff my empty stomache... It got the control over my hands and slapped the hot bag down onto the floor. I crouched down and used my tounge to get some of the rice spread over the whole kitchen floor. Triumphantly I felt some seed going down my gullet. That instant it took my body fully and ran over to the sink. It bend down over it and started to strangle me, until I chocked out the few rice. _

_**'Take that! And never try to fight me again.'**_

_I slid down and cried, cried until there where no tears to shed, the whole process my stomach rumbling and turning, seemingly digesting itself._

As I was finished with the toast I got up again to clean the plate. Everything seemed to be normal, calm, peaceful... frightening. The silence was the thing, that frightened me the most, these days. It was silent everytime it seemed to be normal, since there was something I did wrong...

I cleaned everything and got back to my room. There I took a stack of sheets out of my desk and looked them over:

July 2008

- a bruise at my left arm

- it pressed my hand on the hotplate for one minute because I didn't kneel

July 2008

- a cut at my left arm, as I didn't clean the living room the right way

July 2008

- I fell down the stairs... not by accident

I stoped to read and leaned back in my chair. A moment later I felt myself standing up and going to the cupboard. There I stood, looking at my reflection in the perfectly clean mirror. My hair was not fluffy, but damp, curling slightly. The towel around my body was the purest shade of white, encircling me like a shield against the darkness, that would never let me go.

Slowly I felt my grip loosening against my own will. The towel slid down my slender body and landed at the floor as a tangle. I was standing there and watching myself, as if I feared, that my reflection could trick me... that it would only pretend to be me. I shook of that nasty thought and let a thought form in my head.

'What should I wear today?'

No answer. I guessed that meaned I could choose. I loved to choose my clothes. I simply loved to stand in front of the mirror, jumping into some clothes and change them, and do it again and again, until the result pleased me. It was another daily ritual, that I enjoyed very much, and it knew that. It loved to interrupt me and scare me while a changed my clothes, staring at me with those everything knowing eyes, never resting, never sleeping, never shutting.

I soon decided to wear my blue jeans and a cream dyed shirt.

With a low humming sound I looked at me. Looked good!

I got to my bed and lied down closing my eyes, enjoying the soft surface beneath me. As I dazzed of into my thoughts I thought I heard a low chuckling noise again... I ignored it, as I ever did.

_It was dark... I didn't feel very good as I turned around. _

_'Whatever woke me up... I don't want to know...'_

_I buried my head into my pillow and sighed softly. I had such a headache..._

_**'Hush, landlord.'** That soft creepy voice scared me half to death, especialy at night._

_My heart started to race and I felt some adrenaline circling through my body._

_'What is it, that you want?'_

_A low chuckling. **'You had a nightmare.'**_

_Yes, I knew that himself. Maybe that was what woke me up in the end..._

_'I think I cannot sleep...', I stated._

_A low humming and than something that I had never felt before. My own hand was stroking my cheek._

_**'Rest now, landlord... I'm not your mother, kissing you good-night.'**_

_I felt my heart ache and wind itself in violence. My head was spinning and aching too, causing me a worse nausea. I remembered being hit a thousand times by my own fist against my head._

_I wimpered softly feeling tears settle into my eyes. Suddenly the throbbing inside my head eased. I felt hands over my body everywhere, sliding down my neck, entangling themselfes into my hair, stroking my chest. I knew, that there was nothing in this room but me and it, so it had to be my own hands. But it didn't feel like my body did these things by itself! And oh... how could it do such wondrful, wonderful things by itself?_

_I didn't dare to open my eyes as I gasped into the darkness softly. The warm hands where everywhere, even in areas of my body, that better stayed in the darkness... And it felt so good._

_The gasping got louder as my body was aching for the touches, my hips lifted longingly and my mouth opened to let escape the sweetest sounds I ever heard escape a human body._

_A low chuckling in my head told me, that it was amused, but it didn't say anything. It only let my body feel what it had never felt. _

_And I was grateful. _

_It was so long ago I ever felt the touch of a human being. My father left me, I knew he abandoned me as he escaped himself to the far away Egypt, letting himself to be consumed by his work. My mother and sister were long gone, they died in a carcrash as I was still a child. And now everything there was, everything there ever would be, was it._

_The hands gave me shivers, as one stayed in the secret area between my slender legs, stroking, sliding, consuming everything and the other started to caress every inch of my very body. It felt so good being touched again, to feel, that there was something, that could touch me, that I wasn't a ghost. That I still lived!_

_I layed there gasping and moaning in pleasure, not abel to tell, where my thoughts ended and its began. I wasn't even able to tell where my body was possessed and where not._

_As my back was streching and my head buried deep into my pillow, a loud and longing moan escaped my mouth and I felt, that the best feeling I felt my entire lifetime was washing over my body. It felt like thousands of needles softly spiking into my flesh, shivers of pleasure everywhere over my body, white light blinding me and sweet yearning for that godlike hands._

_One last pleasuring moan left my slightly parted lips and I let myself sink down. I felt my hand rise to my face and my tongue liking the bittersweet liquid of lust off of it. Shortly after that my own dizzyness was lulling me into sleep._

We never talked about that moment. Even if it did repeat some time it never mocked me about it or was using it as a reward or punishment. And I was glad about that. As I opened my eyes again a thought I saw a shadow above myself, floating through thin air and observing me keenly.

But as that thought reached my brain, it was already gone.

I sighed and closed my eyes again.

'Maybe I'll never know something about you...', I addressed the creature I knew listening to me every time, observing me with knowing eyes, talking to me in cruel voices. 'Maybe I'll never know... but I know that some day I will be free... I will be clean again and I will be whole.'

I heard a low chuckling.

**'For one of us the parting will be life and for the other it will be death.'**

I nodded slowly, because I knew. And as I dozed to sleep again, I wondered how the voice would sound like if it gave me that wonderful feelings and maybe purring a few beautiful words into my ear.

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**Now now... that was it xD**

**I hope you liked it, I really worked very hard to please you all ^^**

**Maybe you could write me a few words to stuff the hunger of a misunderstood writer xDD**

**Thank you sooooo much :)**


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